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How do I really feel

I'm so confused. I wonder if Charlotte is confused too. She's playing me like a fine tuned piano. I know she is. But I keep giving in. Since the holiday when she kissed me, I don't know... it's like she is playing with my emotions. I almost hate her and yet I'm enjoying every moment of it, inside.

She's still dating Tariq, they're both graduating in June. I found out my good pal, Ravi knows Tariq. Tariq wants to marry Charlotte! I can't have that happen, I'm so close to winning her back I can feel it. I feel like she wants me back , but the principal of it is what stops her. She's still punishing me, but this is the worse punishment of all. She comes over and laughs as if it is good old times and then parades around the fact she's dating a medical student and how they are so perfect a match. I guess a rusty musician is good enough for her... anymore.

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That's not even right

Oh what a temptress the female is
so lovely and so deadly.

I got mykiss and now I'mwondering how she really feels...

Mixed Messages

The female human being is a perplexing thing, indeed. Drives me crazy and yet draws me closer to her every second.

Charlotte is here, well not precisely next to me but she's here with me and my family in La Mas, in South of France. We're on break from full lent term till 25 April... I think. The first term went pretty well and I have hopes for an even better one. I was really suprized when Ange told me she was going to come along. I figured she'd spend it off with her new boy. I didn't even ask her, my mum did that. Why? because mum says "J'ai pensé que vous et Charlotte étiez encore de bons amis, essayant au moins d'être. Sans compter qu'elle immobile apprécie votre compagnie, quand vous n'êtes pas coquet et Clarise et anis l'adorent ainsi..." basically Ange and me are friends, she enjoys my company and my little sisters love spending time with her.

*sighs* and then Charlotte just had to gaze at me with those big brown eyes and say "Oh, Charles(why won't she call me Charlie anymore?) Tariq is going to India, I could try to tag a long but it really is not all that deep, yet. (yet!?) Besides, we always had a good time of it in La Mas, even before we started dating, yes?"

Yes...
I have to admit it's been silently painful as I try to shake off the thought that I will never date her again. I try to remember that I fucked that up way to much to ever get it back. What a fuck up am I.

The time has been good, I've started writing a string quartet arrangement of Sinnerman made famous by Nina Simone. I think it's turning it quite well it has a nice Rondo thing going on with it. I mostly just sit outside and observe the rolling hills and the peace around me. I have neglected to eat, something i really need to. My mass is slipping below 60kg again, I can't have that happen.

I just wanted to actually update this blog

till next time
Charlie

Que regard

Elle me regarde encore, avec ce regard.
Ce regard qui brûle dans ma âme même. Elle me déteste, je le savent.

Il m'a pris que 10 ans à I convaincu l'aiment. Il prendra 100 davantage pour convaincre encore. Il est sur mon esprit constamment.
J'ai vraiment sali pas vers le haut je ?
Elle doute maintenant, elle me déteste, qui est pourquoi elle me donne ce regard. Ses yeux d'obscurité ci-dessous semblent regarder fixement vers le bas moi. Elle des soupirs et tourne sa tête partie de moi, ses courbures de chocolat suivant elle.

Il est si inconfortable.

Juste pour moi, je ne peux pas imaginer ce qu'est il pour elle. Et puis parfois le moment d'inconfortable. Quand notre contact de mains, quand nous rions ensemble. Quand il semble presque que les choses étaient la manière elles avaient lieu dans le passé. Et maintenant les choses sont comme elles étaient avant. Je suis emprisonné.

Je l'aime, et est-ce que je me demande elle m'aime ?
Ai-je une chance?
Mais elle est avec un homme,
mes compagnons disent me de se déplacer sur mais à NON !
Je ne peux pas je pas et j'essayerai jusqu'à mon dernier souffle. Même si juste pour mon moment final elle sourit à moi encore, chaud et sincère et m'embrasse et me dit que "Charlie, je t'aime", juste pour cette ma recherche serait en valeur elle.

Je dois la récupérer.

Faded Dreams of Love

All the love is long past faded
Desperation was dependable
Lingering thoughts have teared
Only seeping through
In the many of a dream I have of you
Distant memories are lessened
But always wishes shine and sparkle
Exseemingly in unforgettable fantasies
When realization shattered lies
Has deeply scarred my heart
Beyond the reach of warmth
Leaves suffering heartache
Meant to last forever

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Quiz

A survey to get to know someone.
What is your name?:Guillaume Charles
age?:20
Birthplace?:North Paris
Place you live?:I go to uni in Cambridge. Home's South London
Describe your town in 3 words.:Cambridge: random, fun, quiet(compared to london)
Do you have any siblings?:1 older brother and 4 sisters
Do you believe in god?:Yes
Do you have a crush on someone?:Yes
Who is it?:she knows who she is
Does this person know you like them?:I think, she should. I have not a clue
How long have you had the crush?:longer than i should
What is your favorite thing about your crush?:Her smile, it brightens up everyday
What's the craziest thing you have ever done?:Note: Do not go with strange OTB chicks from Senegal
Have you ever:
Kissed someone?:yes
Cried during a movie?:no...OKAY but just ONCE
If so, what movie?:Graveyard of the Fireflies
Gotten a celebrity's autograph?:yes, MC Solaar, dimitri from paris
Got in a car accident?:auto. no. train...yes
Got in a fight?:lol hell yes
Broke the law?:probably
Failed a class?:yes, few are perfect
Cheated on your bf/gf?:... *sighs* yes and tha'ts why I'm alone now. it's not worth man
Cussed?:see above
Got Drunk?:too many times
Been high?:never eva
Been in a plane?:yes
Bought a car?:no
Totalled a car?:no
Rode a horse?:yes
Drove a golf cart?:...no, I'm going to have to try that out
Swam in the ocean?:yes
Had a job?:plenty
Been fired?:...no
What's Your Favorite:
Cartoon:rite now: Samurai Champloo and Beck
Number:5...i like 5
Color:red
Food:Heinz Baked Beans....tast-eh
Sport:Rugby, Football
Movie:Space Odyssey 2001
Disney Movie:does sprited away count? no. um. Aladdin
T.V. Show:I've been watching Girl Cops with Charlotte, LIfe on Mars is for real tho'
Car:Audi TT
Vacation:spring vacation at La Mas
Candy:Aero Bar, Hot Tamales, Pocky Mens, flake snow
Fruit:mangos, bananas, pineapple, tropical things
Band:Bossa Nova Tres
Actor:Will Smith
Actress:Lenoir DeMille
Singer:Jill Scott, Nina Simone, Ivanna Santilli
Song:now: 'Can't Explain - Jill Scott', maybe because I'm rearranging it for a lecture
Song Lyric or Quote:'Don't give up on love, because what I did to you' - Jill Scott
Website:lehiphop.fr
Restaurant:Jumpin' in south London
Fast Food Place:Mc'Donald's
State:? I've only been to the US. Once. um but I like the Provence Alpes Cote D'Azur region. it's nice
City:Lambeth, South London....
Store:the 24hr. KwikMart
Sibling:I don'thave a favourite. I love them all. most protective over Alise' and Clarise'
Cereal:Alpine and Frosted Flakes
Smell:Orange Blossoms yea I know that's a bit like 'u punk' but it's true
Person To Talk To:Ravi, Charlotte, Rabi
Where Would You:
Get Married:La Mas, or London like Westminster
Shop:Random thrift shops coz I'm poor. I like the skateboard rock star look i guess.
Vacation:Languedoc Roussilon region, Cote D'Azur, south of france i guess
Honeymoon:Bahamas
Hang Out:the disco, the bar in church hill
Take Someone On a Date:take out at a park, in the evening.
Go to College:um... here! Cambridge
Dance:just turn that beat up. get that bass bouncin and watch it.
This or That:
Long Sleeve/Short Sleeve:long sleeve
Ipods?Cds:Ipod...nano.
Coke/Pepsi:Pepsi
Salt/Pepper:Pepper...mmm spi-ceh
M&M/Skittles:m&m's
Rock/Rap:...both?
Pop/Country:Pop
Fly/Drive:...fly
Dance/Sing:freestyle
Kiss/Hug:Kiss
Love/Money:Love
Real Love and Dirt Poor/Loneliness and Lots of Cash:Real love, poor as hell.
Cheating/Being Cheated On:Neither
Truck/Car:Auto
Florida/Cali:Cali
Beach/Mountains:Mountains
Sunset/Sunrise:Sunrise
Lake/Ocean:Lake
Fries/Salad:Fries
Cds/Radio:Radio
Dvd/Vhs:DVD
Shower/Bath:Shower
Pool/Hot Tub:Pool
Snow/No Snow:NO SNOW
Hot/Cold:Hot
Day/Night:Night
Sun/Moon:Sun
Prep/Goth:whatever do your own thing
Public School/Private:Private
Stay/Go:Go
Hell/Heaven:Heaven
From 1-10(1 being you despise it and 10 you agree)
Abortion?:5
Our President?:YOur president... that's none of my...well -1
Leprechauns are scary?:2
Music can change your mood and outlook on life?:10
Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d


She's tearing into my soul. I know she knows I still want her, sometimes I feel like she's having fun with this. Playing and teasing me, but then again I know for sure. I deserve it...and worse

One - Hello

C'est ma première écriture comptable. D'abord de tous je veux dire "français et les utilisateurs qui parlent anglais, m'ajoutent".

Là tellement avait continué par dernière année et mon esprit est allé aux endroits que je n'ai jamais voulu qu'il disparût. La dernière année était vraiment dure pour moi, j'avais juste récupéré d'un accident grave et d'une ferme que je travaillais dedans en France Du sud. J'ai perdu ma dame, par infidélité. J'ai été blessé dans les bombardements de Londres de l'été. C'était l'extrémité. Mon esprit brisé comme mes os de bras et cela m'ont pris un bon moment de commencer à récupérer. Je toujours AM récupérant, dans l'esprit. Je pense toujours que Dieu me punissait pour toutes les choses terribles que j'ai faites particulièrement à l'ange qui est Charlotte. Elle était fiancé 'qu'elle est l'être humain le plus bel sur le visage de la planète.

Je projette sur employer ce journal privé pour quelque pensées aléatoires héritent ma tête. Plutôt il y ait anglais ou français. Juste dans l'intéret instructif. Je suis né à Paris du nord, la famille de mon père a été en France pendant 200 années. Ma mère est venue du Sénégal quand elle avait 11 ans. Je me suis déplacé pour vivre mon oncle Leon quand j'avais 5 ans. Il habite dans Lambeth, Londres Du sud. Je suis allé à l'école à Westminster, celui est où j'ai rencontré la plupart de mes amis qui vont à l'université avec moi maintenant. Naturellement j'ai toujours des amis soutiens à Londres Du sud. J'ai accru l'anglais parlant vers le haut à l'école et au travail. Mais oncle Leon aussi bien que Charlotte (qui j'ai su depuis que je me suis déplacé à Londres) parlent français avec moi. Ainsi je suis bilingue.

si tout va bien la bonne utilisation viendra de ceci.

Charles

English VersionRéduire )

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